Jan. 16, 2011

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding."- Cartel

Everyone keeps letting me down. At least it seems that way. For once I wish someone would do what they say they are going to do, or at least do what they are supposed to do... is that too much to ask? Apparently so. They say the only man a girl can rely on is her daddy. But what do you do when you can't even rely on him? What if the person who is supposed to adore you and give you all your basic needs (food, clothing, college, etc.) acts just as childish as your seven-year-old sister?

People these days are just so backwards. It's hard for me to comprehend the thought process of some people. I know I am no where near perfect, but I like to think I keep other people's feelings in mind and I try my best not to hurt them or leave anyone out. It is very hard for me to fathom being completely and utterly selfish, it's especially difficult for me to think of a father treating his daughter that way.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of needing to start over lately. It seems like that's what I have been doing my whole life. Every few years moving hours and hours away and having to start over. New house, new school, new friends, new life. College will be a new experience (if I ever make it there). I want to make sure I get my life on the right track. I don't want to be forty years old and unhappy, feeling like I have never done anything for myself. I want every year to be the new best year of my life.

Wish List:
1. Happiness
2. Someone I can always rely on
3. Someone to tell me I'm beautiful, when I look a hot mess
4. Someone to tell me I'm amazing, when I need it most

5. Someone to just listen

Jan. 14, 2011

Say what you need to say. -John Mayer

I just feel like I need to say something. I need to say exactly how I feel. I feel happy and sad and loved and abandoned all at the same time. I know that's not quite clear, or easy to follow, but it's better to say too much than to say nothing at all.

I have all the faith in the world in you. You came into my life exactly when I needed you the most, and I didn't know what I was missing until I found you. It's sad, because I don't think I can express to you how much you have helped me through such a difficult time in my life.

Life plays such silly games- but it knows what it's doing in the end. Everything happens for a reason. Every wrong turn, every bump in the road, every rainy day, everyday the sun didn't shine, every tear, every scream, every ounce of pain was all leading up to all the laughs, all the smiles, all the tears of joy, all the sunshine, all the full moons, all the long phone calls, and it was worth it.

Things have been a little off lately, and I know you can tell I've been acting differently. I hate arguements, but sometimes their envitable. Hopefully they'll just make us stronger. I know what I want, and that's us.

Girls just want to be wanted. They want to be special. They want to feel like they're the only girl you see and no one else can even compare in beauty and personality. It sounds selfish, I know, but that's all we want. We want your approval, your support, your encouragement, your shoulder to cry on, your lies when we ask if we look okay, your patience when we take forever to get ready because we have to change 41785 times. Most importantly we want your heart. Not half of it, not two-thirds of it, not ninety-five percent of it, all of it.

Say it again--for me, cause I love the way it feels when you are tellin' me that I'm the only one that blows your mind...

(click^)

Jan 12, 2011

"I'll probably never hold a brush that paints a masterpiece, Probably never find a pen that writes a symphony. But if I will love then I will find that I have touched another life. And that's something, something worth leaving behind." -LeeAnn Womack

 It's a new year. Two-thousand and eleven. Such a big year for me. I've been working for this year for 13 years.

2011

-has so many high expectations for me, I hope it doesn't let me down.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. This is supposed to be a year of new beginings, it's new alright. I'm just worried things aren't going to go the way I want them to. I feel like things are slipping out of my hands. I hold on to the happy moments and hope we return to them sometime soon, I just pray things go back to how they were before. 

Snow, snow, go away! Snow in South Carolina? What on Earth were the clouds thinking... It was pretty and everything on the first day but it's the third day and school has been cancelled almost all week. Oddly enough, I want to go to school! New classes start, and I'm even closer to graduation. May 28th cannot come soon enough. 

Today's List of Accomplishments:

1. Sleep in for once.

2. Take the dog out.

3. Feed the kids.

4. Facebook.

5. More Facebook.

6. Chores.

7. Get ready.

8. Go see Josh.

9. Breakdance/shag/salsa with A'Leah.

10. Change the world.