3/17/11

"Am I more than you bargained for, yet?

I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear

because that's just who I am this week."

-Fall Out Boy

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!

Even though I completely and utterly forgot about it until today at school. Oh well, it's not that big of a deal. I work tonight though and they're having green beer at the bar & all the irish horse jockeys will be coming in for that, I'm sure. Lovely. Drunk, short guys who can hardly speak English walking around with green beers in their hands flirting with every girl that walks by. Fun stuff.

Well there's nothing really specific on my mind today, other than my severe case of senioritis. I don't think there's a cure for that though. And I'm just going to have to keep suffering in silence. At least I'm not the only one. It's so weird to think I've been going to this school since second semester of my sophomore year and now I'm about to graduate from this school. This is just about the longest I've stayed somewhere. Thank God. I can't imagine starting over at a new school this year.

Oh, I just remembered. There is something on my mind. This morning my Dad's mother, my grandma, well her husband passed away. He was not biologically my grandpa, but he sure was  a sweet man. I remember going to Wal*Mart with him and he kept running into people he knew and would introduce me as his beautiful grandaughter. I didn't mind. He didn't have any biological grandkids and I was happy to sort of fill that void for him. I really hate that he passed away so quickly, but I'm glad he's no longer in pain. We were planning a trip to visit him not this weekend but the next. He's been in the hospital with double pnemonia (i didn't know you could have pnemonia twice at the same time) and he had all kinds of other things wrong with him, too. As soon as school gets out I need to call my grandma. She's a very strong woman and I wish I could be with her right now. This is the second time she's had a husband pass away. She needs me. Oh, I'm starting to tear up again. Not again. I look stupid. Well to sum it up, Enjoy the time you have with people now because they can leave before you know it. 

Rest In Peace J.T. Russell <3 I enjoyed the time I had getting to know you and I'm happy to call you part of my family. You brought joy to my grandma I had not seen in years. You were her angel and it was your time to leave and go back home. While you're up there keep an eye out for her & put in a good word for me. I don't think I ever told you, but I love you.

Now you can ride your horse with wings through the pearly gates into Heaven.

3/16/11

"Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown."

-Panic! At the Disco

Pandora is blocked...yet again. This is really getting aggravating. And I don't have anything fun to put on tumblr right now...Oh! While I'm thinking about it here's my tumblr!

So what's on my mind today. One thing I've been thinking about (I know I've already mentioned it before) is that relationships should be about building each other up, not tearing them down. Girls want to hear that they are pretty, the prettiest thing you ever have or will lay eyes on. That's what we want to hear. We might act like it doesn't bother us when you stare down the blonde with the short shorts and low cut top, but it does. Girls are different than guys. That one 15 second stare can stick with us for a lifetime. It can affect us more than you can even imagine. It makes us feel not good enough or makes us strive to look perfect for you. Which is impossible. So think before you speak, or stare. It can save a lot of heart ache.

Another thing I can't stop thinking about (again, I've already talked about it) is the Cup! I need a dress. I need to save up money for a dress, too! Hopefully by Saturday I'll have enough to go to the mall and get one. Should it be black&white, or pastels, or spring colors, or dark colors, short, tight, flowy? So many options. I'm sure I'll know it when I see it though!

I'm seriously debating on taking two jobs. If I do I would work everyday and not have a day off. It would definitely bring in some money though, which is much needed. I guess I'll have to keep thinking about it.

3/15/11

"And baby you're the one thing on my mind,

but that can change anytime."

-3oh!3

Everythings so exciting lately. I feel like I can't wait for the rest of my life to start. But I should be enjoying the time I have right now...it's just hard when you think about all the fun that's just staring you in the face for the future.

The cup is April 2nd! I can't wait. I need to start looking for my dress though. Spring Break officially starts the same day as the cup, too. It would be amazing if one of those days I make it to the beach, but I don't know if I see that happening. I can't wait for sunglasses, tans, shorts, bikinis, sand, myrtle beachhhhhhhhhhh. ahhhhhh. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

UGH! I swear if pandora cuts off in the middle of one more song.....Okay, maybe it'll play this whole song. Hopefully. I got it from my mamaaaa. Haha, this song always reminds me of my mom. We look a lot alike and everywhere we go someone has to say something about it. Like we didn't already notice? But still it's fun to get those stares. I love when people stare. It makes me feel like I'm some famous actress. Talk about a confidence booster. Not to mention the adrenaline rush.

I just want to dance. I want to dress up, do my make up wild, hairspray my hair like Snooki, and go out and get crazy. She moves her body like a cyclonee. Ahh, just keep counting the daysss.

So I just realized how spastic I sound, jumping from one thing to another. I guess everytime the song I'm listening to changes my mood/mind/thoughts change. Well I'm off to Google Images to find a picture and then I'll be getting off and calling Joshua <3

.....nevermind no pictures will upload. boo. Well just to not leave you hangin' she's a party-all-nighter from south carolinaa <3 (click)

3/11/11

"I can tell just what you want. You don't want to be alone."

-Two Door Cinema Club



Oh where to start... I'm not even sure what I feel like writing about. I just know I feel like writing about something. Here are some things I've noticed lately: Everyone wants what they can't have. It's as simple as that. It's a sad fact, but it's a fact without a doubt. I don't know if it's the unsatisfaction from what you already have or just the excitement of something new that people are so attracted to. An eye for an eye.  A tit for tat. You scratch mine and I'll scratch you back. Show me yours and I'll show you mine. That's the thought process of so many people today. Not excluding myself. It's a habit I need to break, I know. Being comfortable is better than being happy. Make sense? I'm not sure either. You would think being happy & comfortable would come together in one big packaged deal. Not necesssarily. A lot of people get into relationships that start off happy but eventually become toxic relationships. However, they stay in these toxic situations because it's comfortable. They're afraid to make a big decision, afraid of change & taking risks. But if you're not happy, why waste your time? Happiness isn't exactly the easiest bug to catch. When you least expect it, it will land right there on your shoulder. But for that to happen you have to be absolutely still and relaxed & wait for it to come to you on it's own time. You can't go chasing it around your yard or it'll fly out into the street and you'll be left there on the curb too scared to venture out of your comfort zone.

All this being said I'm nowhere near perfect. I chase after happiness. I get stuck in my comfort zone. I give what I get--nothing more, nothing less. And at times I want what I can't have. O.K., a lot of the time. Lately I feel like things are getting better, but there is still so much I would change if I could. I wish some people would realize they deserve better. I wish they would see how great they are and that there is someone out there who will appreciate them every second of the day.

F.Y.I.: I have been playing What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club over & over again this whole time I have been writing. It's great. You should take a listen. No body wants to be alone and I believe there is someone for everyone. It's just a matter of finding them. Just don't waste your time searching while everyone else passes you by, don't fold too soon, don't expose your hand, & don't get too cocky.

I won't tell you how this picture relates, I'll just leave this for your own interpretation. <3

3/9/11

"Now don't stop, get it--get it."

-50 cent

I'm not sure if it's spring fever, or senioritis, or what is it, but lately I just want to get out. I want to go somewhere and do something fun. I want to have fun. It seems like time just slips away from me and I can't say I accomplished anything important or fun today. Maybe this weekend things will change. Maybe I'll grow a pair and stop being lazy and sticking to what's comfortable, and I'll actually go have fun.

Music is so cleansing. I know everyone says that, but I truly mean it. It's odd though because I'm not musically inclined. I can't sing, play instruments, or dance incredibly well. Maybe the beats just calm down something in my mind. They take away worries and zone me out. A natural high.

It's hard to think this is my last March 9th of high school. A year from now I'll be finishing up my first year of college. I'll be on spring break. And I'll be with a whole new group of friends. Who knows where I'll be. Hopefully it'll be a good place. Hopefully I'll be happy and in control.

This post is kind of ADD. I just realized. Haha, my mind just moves from topic to topic without warning. There is just always so much on my mind,  I could not possibly discuss it all or put it into words. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to overload from everything floating around up there. That's why this helps. I can get some of it out. Even though hardly anyone is going to be reading this, nor are they probably interested in half the things I have to say... it feels good to let it out. Who knows, maybe one day millions will be reading this. Then again--I doubt it.

3/3/11

"I'm miles from where you are.

I lay down on the cold ground

And I, I pray that something picks me up

 and sets me down in your warm arms,"

-Snow Patrol

This song doesn't really relate to me so much anymore, like it once did. It is still a beautiful song. And beauty is something that should be appreciated. Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Meaning everything, and everyone has the potential to be something beautiful to someone. At least that is the way I look at it.

On a positive note, I have officially been accepted to college. I got the letter that reads: Dear Mariah, We are delighted (they said delighted, that means it's a yes. not that the huge envelope that says 'YES!' on the back doesn't give it away...) to inform you that you have been accepted into the University of South Carolina.

-Reading that note to my mom and sister was so surreal. I felt like this only happened in movies. I felt like I was in a movie. There was a camera man behind me in the kitchen, a microphone hanging over my head, the lights beating down on my smiling face. But no, no movie. No box office hit. No indie sundance film festival. Just me, growing up and crossing a huge milestone in my life. Now comes the hard part--saving up money, filling out and sending in paperwork, finding a roomate, finding a place to live! I just like to think everything will fall into place when the time comes. God has a plan for me.

There are so many things I want for my future. So many things I want to work out for me. So many people I want to stick around for me. So much fun I want to have. So many things I want to do. So many promises I want kept. So many promises I've made that I want to keep.

Accomplishments:

1. Get a job at Chili's
2. Get accepted into USC columbia
3. Spend time with my sister.
4. Spend time with my boyfriend.
5. Patch things up with my dad.
6. Get oil changed.
7. Practice dance.
8. Tanning bed.
9. Always smile.
10. Save the world.